Bucky still had a look of shame in his expression, even now after the moment had passed, even while Ian explained to him that he had nothing to be ashamed of.. It was still embarrassing to completely go out of your own mind in front of a group of people and practically become catatonic.
So, when the option was brought up, when his eyes met Ian’s, peace finally found his expression. Peace, and determination. “I want to try again. I can do this, Ian. I can. I was just… I was nervous for no damn reason. Your friends and family, I’m sure they’re amazing people, and I’m just over thinking things because of my problems.” Which, ironically, made his problems show. “But I’m fine now. I promise. I’ll be okay.”
Ian smiled then pressed his forehead to his lovers, “Alright, have a seat.” Ian rushed off out a side door and was only gone for a few minutes before he came back with an older man. He was short, wearing a red polo shirt and khaki slacks on a cane. He wore a large war bonnet ordained with many feathers. The older man was bald at the top but had a long silver braided pony tail. “So this is the old soul that wants to join us today.” The man’s voice was gravely from smoking and age. Ian smiled. “Chief Dancing Wind this is my fiancée James Barns.” The chiefs wrinkled face smiled. “Dustin to the new comers. It’s nice to meet you James, we have heard a lot about you. White Paw talks about you endlessly.” Ian pursed his lips as he cleared his throat. “An don’t worry none about the flash backs… we all get them. Got a fancy title for them now to… PTSD… in my day it was just ‘Blanking Out’. I get them too but that’s for another time.” Dustin pat Bucky’s metal arm and smiled.
A few at a time the group entered in slowly introducing themselves and making the circle again. Ian sat at Bucky’s left leg with Roger at the right. The group was fill of many vets, three transgendes, another couple to be wed in February, A single mom with a new daughter, and on and on. “James if you haven’t noticed we may be different but we are all united under one banner. Several tribes are in attendance here but we are one family.” People nodded here and there. “We are a proud people but not a people of hate, not that we cant be provoked to it.” Dustin continued, “But it is nice to see when our family grows and diversifies.” Ian smiled at the chiefs words. “Would you like to saw a few words about yourself?” Ian rubbed Bucky’s knee, “He’s not really asking. He wants you to say something about yourself.” There were a few smiles from Ian’s comment.
”You’re saying this as if you’ve got some short of choice… I knew beforehand I wouldn’t get you the first try, you’ll have to be trained..”
"See this is the difference between you Brits and the other ones… The other’s are nice enough to put a bag over my head and toss me in the back of a van, you’re just all.. ‘Oh hi come kill for me and it’ll be grand’…Ppfff not killing.”
getting that look from your parents when your sibling curses
Both arms lifted to wrap around Ian, and his head rested on his shoulder for a moment or two, until Ian stepped away. “But— But I don’t want to go yet—” He argued, trying to get a word in. Sure, he wanted to go home and be Ian’s caretaker, but to be honest, he’d been looking forward to going to this all week. “I think I’d be okay now, really.. I feel a lot better.. Not nervous anymore and—” Then more about sexy nurses.. And the comment about being a good boy, and he was done.. Somewhere in happy-land.. His head lowered to Ian’s shoulder, and he let out a soft, pup-like whimper. Nothing sexual, those words, given context, could just turn him into an obedient pile of jelly. “I can try again next time… I promise it wont happen again.” Okay, so maybe when he got embarrassed enough he acted a little bit like he used to in the hospital, but that was purely because he was out of his element.
Ian lifted James head and looked him into the soft now gray eyes. “Bucky, this is not something you can control; when you get stressed out it happens. No need to be ashamed of it. One of the other vets’s actually noticed it before I called Steve and probably embarrassed the both of us. It’s ok.” He placed both his hands on Bucky’s shoulder. “But if you want to try again I don’t mind. But I want us to talk about this later, so we have better communication about what you can and can’t handle.” The white haired man looked at Bucky straight on, “It’s your decision James. What do you want to do?”
Bucky was only out for about ten, maybe fifteen minutes, but to anyone watching, it probably felt like an eternity.. He just stared into space like there was nothing there at all; nothing mattered… And every so often, Roger would lick his hand, and his eyelids would flutter, but there’d be no other sign that he recognized either Roger or Ian.. Sure, it wasn’t a particularly dangerous thing, so long as he wasn’t walking around central park, but one can only imagine what it was like for Ian..
Bucky took in a breath, his eyelids fluttered, and recognition came to his face. “Huh?” He inquired, his brows knitting at the eerie silence in the room, and Ian’s concerned face only a few inches away. “Oh.. Oh Ian I’m— I’m so sorry I didn’t.. I didn’t mean to..” Of course, he never really did, but now he was just embarrassed for both himself and Ian. His head lowered, and he pet Roger solemnly. “I’m sorry.. I got so worried about what everyone would think.. I don’t know.. Jeez, I really blew it.”
Ian was trying to keep it together until Bucky’s eyes fluttered and he came back. Ian thought he was gonna burst. He stood and hugged Bucky hard. “Oh God don’t scare me like that again!” A few tears fell from his eyes before he sighed and wiped them away before taking a seat. “It’s ok, you didnt blow anything. Come on let’s go home, I should probably tell my uncle you do better in smaller groups… much smaller groups.” He stood then and offered his hand to Bucky as he sniffled here and there. “You can be my sexy nurse.” He winked; leaving a note for Patty, with his cell number to call and he would pick up the dishes later. Ian really just wanted to get home with Bucky and after a scare like that they could both use a damn nap. Ian took Bucky’s hand and kissed his cheek, “You’re my good boy.” He whispered.
Clint visits recently deafened children in the hospital. He goes in full hawkeye costume and gives them his own personal hearing aids. They are purple with black hawks on them. When the other avengers find out about this they go with Clint to the children’s hospital and visit other children
"I dunno. I called him as part of my once a week thing. Made small talk. Told him about my life. Listened to him rant about how I should get married. Nothing too big. And you won’t beat my score."
“He’s still on that… ugh. What did you tell him? And I will destroy your score.”
if you tag me in random starters i actually scream and fall 1000% in love with you
Bucky grumbled as the keys were taken from him.. He was in no condition to be driving, what with his anxiety being the way it was.. Still, it didn’t stop him from picking at his arm every now and then.. Damn.. He should’ve worn a long sleeve shirt, it would have kept him from this nasty habit of his.. No matter.. “Okay, okay.. I’ll.. I’ll try to relax.. I’m just.. I haven’t met a group of people, you know… Since..” Heck, it’d taken him months to warm up to the other vets, and that was in small doses.. This was a lot of seventy people!
The sniffling wasn’t lost to him, and as they clambered out of the car, and Bucky leashed the dogs and locked up, he commented. “I’m making chicken soup for you, and you’re not going anywhere after tonight until you’re better. You’re coming down with something.” He was a caretaker himself, after all, and was going into ‘take care of sick Steve Rogers’ mode. Nevertheless, he moved inside with Ian, and took his hand when it was offered to him.
Bucky was rather quiet as they found their way to their seats, nodding politely and offering a shy greeting whenever people came to say hi, but the meeting started, and he had fallen quiet… About five minutes in, due to his anxiety, he had a blackout. It’s easy to tell, because his face becomes pale, and his eyes unfocused. Still conscious, but it’s like.. He’s nowhere to be found in there.. Roger set his head in Buckys’ lap, just to try and bring him back, but there’s no telling how long a blackout will last.
The red room was large a circle of people was in the middle of the room, the younger on the floor and the elders in fold out chairs. Ian hugged a few of the elders, everyone in casual dress, some of it decretive and some older vets sitting about. Ian introduced Bucky as he got Bucky a seat and Ian sat on the wooden floor. The group hadn’t started yet but at Roger’s whines Ian turned to Bucky to see him unfocused. Ian had only seen Bucky maybe once like this; He stood and caressed Bucky’s cheeks. “Bucky, Bucky come on love where are you?” His eyes were frantic looking at Bucky’s eyes then his pale complexion.
One of the older vets came over and looked Bucky over, “Give him time. I will have the group move to the smaller meeting room.” Ian looked up looking worried but mouthed a thank you. He kept his eyes on Bucky and just sat with him as the group moved without a word. Ian felt horrible for bringing Bucky. He wasn’t ready for suck a large social setting, but it was good to know this now. He would pass it on to his uncle when he called later that day. Ian was on the verge of tears as he just held Bucky’s hands and rubbed his thumbs over his lovers knuckles.